Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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