i jhust puked up my retainher.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
