I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
