It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
