Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
