I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
