Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
