So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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