dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
