Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
