you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize