i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
