Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
