What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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