you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
