How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her vagine was all disorganized.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
