i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
