Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
