Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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