i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
