I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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