i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
