i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
