I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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