Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
