trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
