I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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