tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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