The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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