so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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