So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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