I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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