careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just tell him i said nine months
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My bed smells like the plague
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
