i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
