You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He shit in the fireplace
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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