My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i love accidental penises.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
