why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
