That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
