Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's shark week go big or go home
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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