dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am one with the molecules
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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