bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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