I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
