I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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