I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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