That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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