Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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