I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
