im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
