i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Michael Bay diarrhea
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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