Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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