i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
