Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
