Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
