Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
