I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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