He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
