If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
