who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
