Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
