take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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