grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
