i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
