It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
