No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
