I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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