who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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