Screwed.edu
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
