the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
