i always forget guys have bellybuttons
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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