Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
3 2 1 whiskey
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
