I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
