I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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