It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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