dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
