so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
