Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
