May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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