I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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