dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
